


No White Flag

by KatiKitten



Series: We Used To Be Friends [10]
Category: Glee
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-09
Updated: 2013-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-10 20:47:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/789999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatiKitten/pseuds/KatiKitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don't challenge Santana Lopez. She will own your ass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No White Flag

**Author's Note:**

> I am SOOOOO sorry about the long wait. Real life kicked me in the teeth for a few months. I've actually had this story about halfway finished since September, and just never got it finished further.

It turns out that when you have friends, all you need to do is text them "911 girl emergency, sleepover at my place?" and they'll be there with ice cream and chocolate. Rachel had spent her Saturday in the dance studio, much like she always did, but before she'd left the house, she'd mixed up a batch of her favourite cookies and left Quinn with instructions on how long to bake them. And don't think she hadn't noticed the eyeroll the blonde gave when Rachel gave the timing down to the second, but Rachel had done her best to ignore it.

Rachel had known that Quinn would be there, since the blonde lived there. She had hoped that Kurt would come, but she also didn't want him to be offended that she had invited him over for girl time. She had been pretty sure that Brittany would come, if only for another chance to brush Rachel's hair, and if Brittany came, it was a fair bet that Santana would, as well. So she had been planning on four people willing to help her try to work through her guy issues.

She had not been expecting _all_ the Glee girls and Kurt to show up. Friends. Were. _Awesome!_

Racehl should have been prepared for the night's wacky hijinx considering that Santana's greeting to her had been "What's the mohawked moron done now and what are we going to do to make him pay, Midget?" Should have been, but wasn't. The evening started off fairly simply, with various pizza pies being ordered in the toppings everyone wanted (thankfully, Santana had nixed Brittany's request for an anchovy and peanut butter pizza with pink sprinkles) and the girls eating enough to put the Glocks to shame.

Of course, when Santana is involved in a girl's night, it's very most definitely not going to stay PG, or even PG-13, because, as Santana herself said, "This bitch doesn't do shit like that, so let's get real". Who would have thought that a simple game of Truth or Dare could get so complicated?

It started off with a few simple Truths and a few easy Dares. Then Santana got that Santana look in her eyes, the one that promised all kinds of mayhem just because she wanted to see something burn.

"Midget. I dare you to call one of the guys."

Rachel shouldn't have said anything. She really shouldn't have. She knew better than that. But in her surprise, she couldn't stop herself from opening her mouth. "Really? I would have expected something more... illegal, humiliating, or scandalous from you."

The Santana look that Santana had in her eyes slowly changed into a smirk. "A dirty phone call, Midget."

Somehow, that morphed into Rachel and Santana yelling at each other, Rachel yelling all the reasons she had too much respect for herself to do that, Santana yelling that all she heard was bawk bawk bawk, Quinn yelling at them to calm down, Brittany yelling comments that made sense to her and only her, Mercedes laughing and holding onto Kurt for support, while Kurt just watched the scene with an "Oh my GOD save me" look in his wide blue eyes. The yelling stopped abruptly when Tina grabbed the phone, punched in a number and set it on loudspeaker.

Tina was really the last person in that room that they had expected to take this proverbial bullet. Sweet, shy, quiet Tina, making that kind of phone call? Just wasn't supposed to happen. It upset the world order or something.

"Hi, M-m-mike? This is T-t-tina. From glee. I just wanted to let you know that when you dance, it gets me all hot and b-b-bothered." Everyone just stared at Tina with wide eyes as she kept going, listing the things that Mike did that turned her on.

Rachel had to supress the urge to laugh when Mike started freaking out and they could hear one of the guys in the background (and no, Rachel wouldn't admit that she could tell it was Puck, nor would she admit that the mere sound of his voice caused her heart to jump inside her chest) ask Mike what was wrong and Mike responded with a hysterical yell, "Tina! From glee! She's _saying_ things!"

Well, okay, they _all_ had to work hard to not laugh at that one.

They had to try harder when they heard Mike explaining to the guys, "You guys don't understand! My mom isn't just a mom! She's an _Asian_ mom! _SHE KNOWS!_ "

Tina hung up the phone before she gave into the giggles, and they all howled with laughter.

***

Santana gave in and the girls (and Kurt) were watching a movie, though Santana had at least won the choice of the movie over Rachel's suggestion of Chicago.

It figured that Santana was a horror movie fan. Rachel was surprised that everyone else wanted to watch "Scream" and "The Ring", too, but, oh, well. At least people were having fun! At Rachel's house! _With_ Rachel!

Kurt seemed to be okay with being everyone's pick of cuddlepartner, having been passed around between almost everybody like a stuffed animal throughout the movies. They'd already watched "Scream" and were in the midst of "The Ring". At that point in time, Rachel and Tina were tucked against either side of Kurt and he was absently playing with their hair. The video showed on screen, and if Rachel were honest, she would have to say it just did not make a lot of sense, but perhaps there was the point of it being disjointed? To be more scary? Rachel didn't know.

On screen, the video ended, and the phone rang.

In the room, all the girls' and Kurt's phones rang, as well as the house phone.

The room filled with screams, and Rachel was the first to dive for the phone to pick up the house phone. On the screen, they heard "You will die in seven days."

From the phones in their hands, they heard "You will die in seven days."

Later, they would discover that Santana had texted the guys to let them know when the video ended in the movie, so the guys would know when to call.

Right then, though, the reactions were to throw phones and scream, while Santana and Kurt cracked up.

Oh, the war was on...

***

The girls and Kurt were clad in black, complete with mascara smudged on their cheeks underneath their eyes. It had been ridiculously easy to determine that the males were all at Mike's house, playing X-box or some such. Mike's mother had been all too willing to get on board with their plan, and had already told the girls where to find the spare house key. Being the _actual_ guy, Kurt was sent in, in hopes that if he were spotted, the guys would think that he was one of the others.

Kurt disappeared into the house, and the girls waited in the garden for him to come back. When Kurt returned, his arms full, it looked like he was holding his breath. He dropped the pile in his arms straight to the ground. "Icky boys clothes smell like sweaty boys." He announced it with a light grumble to his voice.

Santana took charge. Now, considering that Santana had been partof the guys' prank on the girls, one might wonder why she was in charge of pranking the guys, and not being pranked herself. The answer was quite simple. Santana was the master of payback. She had a creative genius for it. And no one with half a brain got into a prank war with Santana Lopez. She had no sweet spot for where to stop. She would go from prank calls to cutting your brake lines. Not literally, but. Point has been made.

First thing Santana did was pull out everyone's carkeys. Rachel decided to never ask how Santana knew exactly which clothes or backpacks belonged to which guy, or how she knew where exactly the guy in question kept their keys. If Rachel asked, Santana would probably have either gone into entirely too much detail for Rachel to be comfortable with, or just claim magical powers that Rachel wouldn't entirely be able to dispute.

"Okay. So, who wants to take which car? We'll have to leave Puckerman's here since it's a stick shift." Santana looked at each girl, dangling car keys between her fingers.

Rachel cleared her throat. "I can drive Noah's car."

Mercedes gave Rachel a surprised look. "You can drive stick?"

Rachel nodded. "Noa- Someone taught me how to drive manual when I was fifteen. My dad and daddy feel very strongly that I should know how to drive any vehicle I might have need to."

Santana tossed a set of keys to Rachel. "Berry's got Puckerman. Kurt, you help Berry. I know you'll turn that truck into a beautiful masterpiece. I'll get Hudson's. Tina, you get Mike, since he gets you so hot and bothered, and let's send Mercedes with you." Tina blushed a bright red, even in the moonlight, but nodded. "Britt, you get Matt because you know he can't be mad at you, and Quinn, you go with her to make sure she doesn't get lost or something. We don't want the cops escorting her back to Berry's. Kurt, you follow Berry in your car, and when you're done, start swinging through to pick up the rest of us. Everyone all cool?" The girls and Kurt nodded. "Each person with a car got all the supplies you'll need?" More nods. "Awesome. See you bitches in an hour." Santana spun on her heel and marched over to Finn's pickup truck, tossing his clothes in the passenger seat next to her. Rachel shrugged at Kurt, and the two of them hopped in the respective vehicles they were taking. Around them, everyone else started disappating.

* * *

Rachel drove for a good half hour, tossing an article of clothing out the window periodically. Once she figured she'd driven far enough, she parked. The first order of business was Kurt's idea. They licked an entire package of Gummy Bears and covered the surface of the truck with them. Rachel even managed to spell out "Gotcha" with a bunch of red ones. Next was to saran wrap the entire truck. Kurt had ribbon in his Escalade, so he managed to wrap the truck like a present, complete with a bow on top. And then their masterpiece was done, and they got into Kurt's car to go pick up Santana. Rachel still has no idea what exactly Santana used, but somehow, Santana had made Finn's truck completely unrecognizable, and the windows were covered in foam with tie-dyed looking swirls of color. Quinn and Brittany were the next closest, and the two blondes met them before they could see what they'd done to Matt's car, and last was Tina and Mercedes, who had shaving creamed Mike's car.

And then where were heading back to Rachel's house, and Santana called Artie to tell him that there was a rash of car thefts in the area, and the guys should go check and see if their cars were still there.

Moral of the story? Don't make Santana decide to prank you. She'll own you harder than anyone.

And Rachel still had no idea what Santana had planned for Noah...


End file.
